Sunday, January 1, 2012

Onward and Forward in 2012

Really. The only way to get ahead is to go ahead and move forward. Baby steps. One at a time.

Every morning, my eyes open. Where am I? Who am I? Who is with me? Why am I here?

Oh yes....gradually, as the reticular activating system revs up and consciousness breeds more consciousness, I realize where I am and who I am. I can reach out and touch my daughter. I smile. I slowly, ever so slowly, open my eyes. I want to be aware of this Stage of Awakening. I can feel the connections in my spinal cord and brain moving across from left to right, until eventually my whole brain is awake.

First, I thank God for another day. I am grateful, so very grateful. Already I have so much praise and thankfulness in my heart. What lies ahead? I go straight to God for the questions and the answers.

You know me. I could only open my eyes and then the nausea and vomiting would overtake me. Pitiful, really. Heartbreaking and lonely. Ah. But now those days are over. How did that happen? Gradually, gradually. Before, tiny eensie beensie activities were impossible.

If I had laid in bed and laid in bed and laid in bed, guess what? I would still be laying in bed.

I don't know if every one has this gumption inside of them or not. This fight. The tenacity to push on. To beat the odds. To be the one in a millionth person that 'makes it'. To go down fighting. Kicking and scratching all the way. To fight, even in your dreams. To speak up, to end the day with no regrets of things not be your own audience, your own coach, your own pep-talk. To live. To strive. To Succeed.

Gradually, eventually, with the extreme slow motion of agony, I kept on praying. I kept on trying. Every day that I could open my eyes, it was a brand new slate. A 'refresh' button. A new chance.

Eventually, gradually, with much angst and suffering, I kept on trying to sit up.

One day, I sat up.

There was no one there to cheer me on. Only God in my soul, and my own personal perseverance and belief in myself. I believed in myself. I didn't need any one else to believe in me. (It seemed that no one did anyway) ...

... so I took it on. The Challenge of a New Day. The chance. Just give me another day, another chance. One day, I sat up.

Another day, much much later, I stood up. It seemed as if the Heavens opened up and the Angels sang in chorus at this huge but little miracle. Perhaps it was my imagination, but no matter what it was or wasn't, I gave up on trying to analyze it. No time for analysis. Only time for pushing ahead. Action.

So I swam.

I walked.

And I made pancakes for breakfast. Mickey Mouse pancakes. One ear here, the other ear there. Silly but fun. Childlike but fantastic. Like a breath of fresh air.

So I don't know what I am going to do today.

But whatever it is, I will strive. I will push on. I will fight. I will use all of my might, and I will ask for help from the Lord every second of every day.

If I can do it, you can do it. It is all in the Attitude. That is the secret. We all have an Attitude. Just make sure that if it is not positive, put it away. Store it and file it in a back drawer, but do not let it distract you from the Positive.

Whatever is good, whatever is from love, whatever moves you forward, dwell on these things. Catch yourself. Bring in your thoughts and your actions to a higher level, to a deeper place of existence.

If I can do it, you can do it.

So Onward and Forward in 2012! Onward and Forward I say!


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